Those closest to me get concerned when I’m not smiling. When I look at peace. When I’m not asking for anything different to be happening in the world, and I’m just going through the motions. This isn’t sadness. This the most content and peaceful I can be. The goal isn’t to be laughing maniacally throughout the day, so happy and glad things are so good right now. Nor is the goal to be feeling so deeply saddened and broken that you’re feeling not only every emotion on the spectrum of your own mind, but the emotions of the entire world. All at once.
The goal is for your emotions to be emotionless. Like a fallen tree on a beach shoreline, every wave just gently running along your spine. A stone pillar protruding from a waterfall, the cold water cascading over your forehead like a warm shower. To be a being that can withstand the storm occurring around it. There are no ideologies there. There are no expectations for who you should be there. There are no political discussions or narcissistic or depressed, needy coworkers waiting there. That’s when you feel most alive. That’s when you feel most secure and safe.
But don’t worry. You wont stay there long. You’ll bring yourself out worrying about some unattainable expectation in time.
So if you see me there, just let me be. I’m home for the time being. Don’t take me away from that. I’ll gladly go with you, but I could forget my way back.